Tea, Internal Female Organs, and the Internet
by Moonlite Knight
Summary: John is having a quiet, well deserved afternoon off with a paperback and tea. Sherlock and the internet come along and ruin it. Crack.


There were very few days in the week where John Watson had the chance to simply sit back with a nice cup of tea and a paperback and just relax. Between Sherlock, cases, and the clinic, he was lucky to have time to just grab some tea. Tea and a book together was a rare occurrence and John intended to enjoy it fully today.

Absolutely nothing was going to get him to get out of his chair this afternoon. This included Sherlock stretched out on the couch typing away on John's laptop. No, John was going to have one quiet, well deserved afternoon off doing nothing but reading and drinking tea. Bother everything and everyone else.

"John." Sherlock said suddenly from the couch.

John contemplated ignoring him for a second before discarding the idea. Sherlock did not take kindly to being ignored. Instead he deliberately took his time in answering.

"Hmm?" John hummed noncommittally after taking a long sip of his tea. He turned the page.

_"John."_

John firmly kept his eyes on the page. "I'm not making you tea, Sherlock."

"I wasn't going to ask for tea." Sherlock sounding wounded.

John scoffed and took another sip of tea. "Right. Of course you weren't."

Sherlock made a disgruntled sound but thankfully didn't say anything else.

The flat descended into blissful silence again. John managed to get through an entire chapter before Sherlock spoke again.

"John."

"Still not making you tea." John took a sip from his cup just to spite him, trying not to grimace as it went down. Ugh, cold tea.

"You overestimate my desire for tea."

"No, I don't."

Sherlock ignored him and continued. "You're a doctor—"

"Really? Thank you so much for the reminder. Mind letting me read now?"

"—so you must know. What do women mean when they use the phrase 'my ovaries'?"

It took John a second to fully understand exactly what he had heard. It took him another two to realize that no, he was not hallucinating. Well, unless Sherlock had put something in the tea, and he was fairly sure that wasn't the case as he had been extra vigilant about making sure that his tea never go near Sherlock since Baskerville. Which meant that he really had just heard Sherlock ask that.

John said the only thing he really could in a situation like this. "What?"

"It's very strange, isn't it?" Sherlock remarked, apparently not noticing John gapping at him. "Why not just say 'wow that makes me hot' or 'my clit is throbbing' if it turns you on? I'm honestly not trying to be vulgar here. It just strikes me as odd to refer to internal organs for 'sexy' things."

John finally managed to regain control of his facial muscles. He carefully put down his book and his cup.

"Sherlock, exactly what site are you on?" John turned to see Sherlock staring intently at the screen.

"Not important John. Just answer the question."

"No. Tell me what site, and why the hell would you possibly want to know that?"

Sherlock scoffed. "I'm not looking up naked girls on your laptop if that's what you're concerned about."

"Sherlock—"

"Though I don't know why you're concerned about that. If there were any viruses to be picked up, I'm sure your ventures to such sites would have already—"

_"Sherlock, what site are you on?"_

Sherlock raised one elegant eyebrow. "There's no need to yell, John. I'm on one of your little blog communities."

John's brain froze. Or at least that's what it felt like. He checked his blog regularly and he was positive that he had never once come across anyone mentioning anything about ovaries. It was definitely something he would have remembered. Wait a minute, had Sherlock said…

"Communities?"

"You know, your little _fans_," he said the word in the same manner that one says "that manner less pet of yours". "The little sites they've created, where they write ridiculous amounts of unrealistic and frankly terrifying porn about the two of us and anyone you happen to mention even in passing on your blog. Many of the responses to the porn seems to be some variant of 'my ovaries have exploded.' What does it mean?"

John must have made some sort of noise because Sherlock finally looked away from the screen to focus on him.

"You didn't know?"

No, John had not. It had never occurred to him that people might…that they had…that something like this even existed.

"Oh my God. Why..?"

Sherlock shrugged. "I was bored."

"This is worse than porn sites." John groaned. "That I could understand. _This_, I just, why, Sherlock?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic John."

"That's rich coming from you."

"Would it help if I said some of this is actually well written and thought out?"

"Okay, that's it." John got up, yanked the laptop out of Sherlock's grip. "You are never touching this again." He declared as he stalked out of the room.

So much for a quiet afternoon reading.

"You didn't answer the question!" Sherlock called after him.

"Piss off!"

**END**

_Prompt: An errant comment "What is with the phrase "my ovaries"? It's very weird to me to see women referring to them... why not just says "wow that makes me hot" or "my clit is throbbing" if it turns you on? I'm honestly not trying to be vulgar here. It strikes me as super odd to refer to internal organs for sexy things."_


End file.
